


stars that chase the sun

by fated_addiction



Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, SM Entertainment | SMTown, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:41:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4900648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It's not often Taeyeon gets to say that something work related surprises her.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>OR: the evolution of a love song, as told by Taeyeon's long standing love affair with being really ridiculous, awkward, and bad at being in love with girls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stars that chase the sun

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know anymore, you guys. I just want to squish Taeyeon and I have all these feelings as soon as I see a billion tumblr pictures of Jessica airport traveling and stuff. I'm just choosing to accept my feelings and the mess that I'm going to become when there's a solo album on the way and f(x) comeback and jfc, who knew it was October already?

October comes and Taeyeon finds herself in China which, well, is two parts: "You have to meet with company investors, Taeyeon-ah!" and three parts your album is coming out soon, so suck it up, okay. It's fine. She's used to it. She'll be here for a week, miss the girls, brood in a really pretty, really expensive dress, and then go home to finish album because this is what she is supposed to do.

It's not often Taeyeon gets to say that something work related surprises her.

 

 

 

 

 

"You're usually better at the Internet," Sooyoung says into the phone, voice dry, scolding even because it's Sooyoung and she's the only one of the girls that doesn't know how to soberly skirt around the truth around her.

"What do you mean?"

She's already on her phone, still living in her hotel robe. It's soft against her throat, but heavier on her arms. She opens the news app onto the screen, then scrolls for pictures finding exactly what she thought of when Sooyoung called because, let's face it, they're all really terrible at pink elephants and what not.

"Oh," she says and bites her lip. Her fingers flex lightly into the screen. " _Oh_."

"She changed her hair again," Sooyoung comments lazily.

Taeyeon's eyes are warm over the screen, but her mouth starts to form and she doesn't even know where to begin with her reaction. It's Jessica, she tells herself. Jessica. Jessica. _Sooyeon_. The other girl is right though and her hair, while always long and smooth and curled at the ends, is this deep, dark wintery color, as if to stay a million steps ahead from everyone else. It's a Jessica thing to do.

"It looks nice," she says quietly, then turns off her phone and tosses it onto the bed, over the dress that she's wearing tonight. It's red, short, and uncomfortably bold. It sets off your hair, her stylist told her before she left, and your eyes -- soon, the attention is going to be on just you, Taeyeon-ah. 

"You're not fooling anyone, man." Sooyoung is warm and carefully. She can hear Minho in her voice too. There's a laugh on the other end of the line and she listens, briefly, as the other girl pushes someone else away. "Just," Sooyoung says, "remember that you're you and she's Sooyeon and, like, you'll probably either kill each other or sleep together if you run into each other."

Taeyeon can only blink as they say goodbye and hang up.

Then she groans.

She isn't good at secrets, you know.

 

 

 

 

 

The thing is, and it's obvious that it was a thing, that she count on her hand how many times she knew, relearned, and then knew again that she was in love with Sooyeon. It starts at sixteen, then it got older and wiser and there were other people, of course, since life works like that, constants and new faces, time and time again.

She remembers the last time she say Sooyeon, not in the room where it was the last time she called her Jessica and _Jessica_ left the room with two lawyers, hiding tears behind her sunglasses because she never, ever gave anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry. No, the last time Taeyeon saw her was some time in May, just before the seasons changed again, and she was having coffee, alone, spilling into photos and notes, her hair braided onto her shoulder as she casually, warmly signed autographs for shy fans who ended the exchange with "fighting, eonni!" because the real world has made this into a Jessica versus the rest world without considering Sooyeon and the fact that Sooyeon is a very real person. Then again, Taeyeon is guilt of the very same thing.

She remembers this: she stood in line, hiding behind big, wide sunglasses and gripping her bag like it was the only lifeline she had. She stared ahead too, at the big, sprawling menu board, pretending to consider all her choices when the truth is that Taeyeon has never had her coffee anything but iced and black.

After her order, her voice clear as day, she turned around and Jessica was gone.

Salt in old wounds, after all.

 

 

 

 

 

The party is elaborate, fast paced, and she can only feel bewildered every time someone comes up to her and says something like, "we're anticipating your album!" when she can barely think about the six love songs she has, then ballads and weird songs about empowerment -- all necessary evils when going solo, her producer told her as if she hadn't been doing this for years.

Her red dress is starting to annoy her though, making her uncomfortable as she skirts around another drink, gripping the last bit of champagne in her hand like a lifeline. The roof of her mouth is dry. She should probably eat, she thinks. The buffet spread is nothing short of intimidating. You're on a diet, she reminds herself. So there goes the fried chicken and the silver platter of french fries.

"You look lost."

Taeyeon freezes.

The voice behind her is soft, warm, and amused and everything she's always imagined it to be, should they decide to talk to each other again. She won't pretend with herself and turns halfway to see Jessica, dressed in nothing but black silk, her hair swept to the side and her lips this bright, insanely warm red.

"The chicken," she finds her voice lamely. She gives Jessica a small smile too. "Just admiring it," she says. She presses her lips into her champagne flute and pretends to drink. Because she's sixteen, you know.

"I won't tell." Jessica's eyes are bright. She motions. "If you're hungry," she says gently. "You should eat, Taeyeon."

Taeyeon groans softly. "I can't," she insists. "Then I'll feel even more guilty about this dress."

Jessica steps closer and then suddenly, Taeyeon is transfixed, watching as she reaches forward and fingers the fabric at her breasts. Jessica bites her lip, frowning. Her head tilts to the side.

"Have you made your rounds?" Her voice is steady and sharp. Jessica meets her gaze. "Talked to who you needed to," she says too. "At the party?"

Taeyeon nods. "Yeah," she says breathlessly. Jessica's hand hasn't move. "I was just thinking of my excuse," she admits.

Jessica laughs and then grabs her hand, putting her champagne glass on the table too, right next to the chicken and some strange pile of napkins.

"I have one," is all she says.

 

 

 

 

 

The hotel is beautiful. Taeyeon loves coming to Beijing. There's a lot of color in the city, even more inside all the buildings and places she's visited and stayed in. It's the best part about being an idol, she always says, moving into different worlds, remembering just how small you really are -- it's how you stay humble, after all.

There is a courtyard by the elevator with large, standing trees. It's a lot of green and the smell of flowers is almost unreal, cut by the sounds of waterfalls and quiet conversation that reassures Taeyeon that she's left the party in one piece. 

When they reach the elevator, Jessica lets go of her hand. Her phone rings and she answers, her English flying across the line. Her smile is amused and Taeyeon knows that she's making some kind of excuse; they both hated these crowds and often, between the two of them and Tiffany and Yoona, they were the company's first picks to greet potential investors and the board.

"Sorry," Jessica murmurs. "I had to check in with my parents."

"How are they?" Taeyeon asks.

Jessica shrugs, her features softening. "Worried about us," she answers. "The usual -- I'm working too hard, Soojung is working too hard, when are we going to come home to see them." Her lips curl and she looks back at Taeyeon. "My mom threatened me with side dishes."

Taeyeon laughs. "So the usual," she agrees.

"The usual," Jessica nods.

They're quiet in the elevator then and Taeyeon doesn't know what to do with her hands. If it was before, she'd hold Jessica's and hold it tightly. She doesn't do well in these things and her nerves are fluttering, fighting forward, pushing into her mouth and readying her to say something stupid.

She bites her lip tightly. Then Jessica grabs her hand.

"Come on," she says.

They get off the elevator. It takes Taeyeon ten seconds to realize that this is her floor and ten more to watch as they walk right past her room too.

Her stomach tightens in knots.

 

 

 

 

 

Jessica waits until after she's called room service to throw a robe at Taeyeon's head, then take it back and hand her a button down because, if anything, it's what she'd be comfortable in and they're not strangers.

Taeyeon waits until she disappears into the bathroom to swallow, then grip the shirt as if it were some kind of lifeline. She brings it to her chest, inhales, and hates herself a little for relaxing so quickly.

"Are you changing?" Jessica calls from the bathroom.

"No," she hears herself answer. She clears her throat and turns to face the open bathroom door. "Someone helped me into the dress," she finishes awkwardly which, okay, is sort of like half a lie.

There's a sigh and Jessica remerges, long legs and in some kind of sweater that barely covers her thighs. Taeyeon's throat dries and she watches as the other girl starts to pile her hair on top of her head.

"I'll help you," she says with some amusement, trying to shove a pin into her hair and frowning.

There's no flashback to the dorms or the millions of times that Taeyeon can count to when she started to love Jessica, Sooyeon, and the mess it made her head. She just sort of _stares_ , knotted into something like longing, stepping back into adulthood and all of her choices. She thinks she nods. She feels herself step forward, intent on spinning around and letting Jessica help her out of this stupid, uncomfortable red dress. She tries to imagine the conversation they might have; they ordered room service, maybe they'll catch up and start to forgive each other.

But that's all out the door, as soon as Jessica closes the distance between the two of them, and all she sees is the column of her throat as the sweatshirt drops off her shoulder and can only think _oh god_ and about what's underneath.

"This is not how I wanted to do this," she confesses to Jessica.

Her ears are ringing.

"Do what?" Jessica replies, turning her as she reaches for the zipper of her dress. It's loud and exaggerated and she feels Jessica's fingers spread into her back.

"See you," she says. Her breath catches and the dress is peeled off of her shoulders. Her belly is flushed and she feels her legs start to quiver. "I thought it would be over food. Since we both like meals."

"Meals," Jessica echoes. "That sounds like us."

Taeyeon turns her head and the other girl pauses, her mouth parting slightly. Jessica makes this _sound_ and all Taeyeon can do is lean forward, her mouth grazing Jessica because oh god, that is the only thing she can think of doing.

"Sooyeon-ah," she says, breathless, aching. "You have to tell me to _stop_."

Jessica's fingers are in her hair, pulling at the pins that hold her locks together. They'll find them in the floor somewhere, or not at all. She can't bring herself to care.

"No," Jessica says. Her mouth feels soft against Taeyeon's and her arm slides around her waist, her fingers spreading over her stomach. "I don't want to."

This is why Taeyeon took her leaving the hardest.

 

 

 

 

 

There is something ultimately so terrifying about all of this. They're real. She's real. Jessica is really _here_.

It sings in her head, spins like the love songs she's supposed to be singing, and into her hand, her fingers as they slide between Jessica's legs. She's resting on the bed, on her belly, watching as Jessica arches into her hand, even as it's only one finger sliding inside of her and twisting.

"Mmm," she sighs, breathlessly, because she's wet too, oh god, and this is making everything inside of her ache. "Another?" she asks, and her voice is husky and low. She doesn't wait for Jessica to reply and slides a second finger inside of her, curling it and pressing her mouth against her thigh.

"How are you even like this?" Jessica half-complains, her mouth pursing tightly. She arches again and her fingers sink into Taeyeon's hair pulling.

Taeyeon only laughs and turns her wrist, pushing her hand into a steady motion. She watches her fingers slide in and out of Jessica, her skin wet. She shifts and slides over to her knees, moving so that Jessica's legs are draped over her.

" _Taeyeonah_ ," Jessica moans and Taeyeon leans in, her mouth opening over hers.

She kisses her for the years that she hasn't, keeping her hand steady because she wants to see, wants to remember what Jessica is like when she explodes. Everything tastes too sweet, too hot, and when Jessica's tongue pushes back into her mouth, Taeyeon moans and twists her fingers back in response.

They make a mess of the sheets, wearing themselves like clumsy, tangled limbs. When Jessica finally comes, she cries out and her breasts press into Taeyeon's chest, her teeth biting into her lips. They twist and Taeyeon falls underneath her, Jessica breathing heavily, trembling as she finds her mouth again and her legs spread to acommondate the other girl.

"You don't have to," Taeyeon breathes, watching with dark eyes as Jessica slides between her legs, her mouth biting at her thigh too.

"Yah," she says. Jessica brings her mouth over the apex of pelvis. She's going to do it too, Taeyeon thinks. Followed by oh god oh god oh god.

It's like every single fantasy she's ever had is coming to life, melted together by reunions and other things that'll probably take them years to figure out and talk about. She thinks to herself, shakily, that she loves this girl and she should probably tell her at some point too.

There's still a smile in Jessica's voice, bright if anything but.

"Shut up, Taeyeon," she says.

 

 

 

 

 

In the morning, Jessica orders french toast. Her hair is pilled on top of her head, like it was supposed to, and she's wearing the shirt she meant to give Taeyeon.

When it arrives, they have breakfast in bed and Taeyeon realizes that she's still naked, the sheets around her thighs instead of covering her completely.

"Slow mending, huh," she murmurs, blushing as Jessica licks her fingers and looks over at her in interest. "I didn't think... well, I hoped that ... oh _god_."

Jessica laughs brightly. She takes a piece of french toast onto her fork and feeds it to Taeyeon, who only bites and obey to save herself from embarrassment.

"I was going to ask you to sit by the pool," Jessica says gently. She smiles and it's a little shy. Taeyeon watches as she looks down, bringing the fork back to the plate. "And then tell you that I missed you and the other girls and stuff like that."

"Stuff like that?" Taeyeon teases carefully.

Jessica nods, reaching for her coffee too. "But then, you know, red dresses and er, stuff -- lots of stuff."

Taeyeon laughs.

It's a different sound. It's not shy. It tastes like everything she's really longed for, ever since she's started writing music for her own album and her whirlwind of a year, monitoring, growing, and supporting everyone else but herself. This, she thinks, must be what it's like to be selfish.

"You're not a prude, Sooyeon-ah." Her voice is warm and Jessica ducks, groaning into her hands. "And --"

She leans over, over the breakfast tray and the mess sheets, the sweatshirt that she'll take and wear later, all the way back to her room because it smells like Jessica and because she's really, at heart, the worst kind of romantic there is.

Her hands gently peel Jessica's from her face and they smile at each other, shyly if anything but.

"I missed you too," she says, and maybe feels a little older, a little wiser, and carries the weight on her shoulders with miles of grace she didn't know she had.

It's simple: Taeyeon has written a number of ballads, could really write the book on longing, and coming soon, you'll see how good she's gotten at writing those songs, of course. It's last song though; it's called _french toast_. This is her first love song.


End file.
